
The Ponderosa Birdman Full Episode – Bonanza, Season #06, Episode #20
In this captivating episode of Bonanza Ponderosa Birdman, the renowned actor Ed Wynn takes on the role of Phineas T. Klump, a delightful yet determined eccentric with an extraordinary ambition: to be the first human to achieve flight. With bulky artificial feathered wings, Klump leans on the unwavering support of his loyal friend, Hoss Cartwright, who acts as his trusted ground crew. However, Klump’s dream is jeopardized when he suffers an injury from a fall.
In a surprising turn of events, Hoss bravely steps up, donning Klump’s wings for an experimental flight from a towering cliff. Amidst the exhilarating aerial adventure, Marlyn Mason shines in her portrayal of Klump’s granddaughter, Amanda. Crafted by the talented duo of Blair Robertson and Hazel Swanson,this episode debuted on February 7, 1965.
Dive into the enthralling plot and discover fascinating trivia, or immerse yourself in the whole episode provided below.
Table of Contents
Watch the Full Episode of The Ponderosa Birdman
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Main Cast
“The Ponderosa Birdman,” the twentieth episode of Bonanza Season 6, presents a diverse array of recurring and guest-supporting actors. The cast includes:
- Lorne Greene as Ben Cartwright
- Pernell Roberts as Adam Cartwright
- Dan Blocker as Eric ‘Hoss’ Cartwright
- Michael Landon as Joseph ‘Little Joe’ Cartwright
- Ed Wynn as Professor Phineas T. Klump
- Marlyn Mason as Amanda
Full Story Line for The Ponderosa Birdman
Assisted by his granddaughter Amanda, the kind-hearted inventor Professor Phineas T. Klump is determined to become the inaugural human to soar through the skies.
Despite his apprehensions, Hoss is convinced to don a pair of gigantic wings adorned with feathers and leap off a cliff.
Full Script and Dialogue of The Ponderosa Birdman
[WHISTLING] Yes, sir, Joe, you sure would've been proud of me. Doggone it, there I was standing up there in front of all them folks. They were just clapping and cheering. JOE: Ha, ha. - And I was standing up there bowing. And the more they'd clap and cheer and stomp, the more I'd bow. With that hat on? Oh, certainly not. Took the hat off, bowed like this: Bravo, bravo, bravo. HOSS: Hey, Adam. Come on in and hear about my dream last night. JOE: Yeah, he was elected governor. HOSS: Sure was. For the whole state. Well, congratulations for bringing the territory up to statehood. Right, it ain't a state yet. Don't make no difference. Just a dream anyhow. But it sure was a real one. I'd clap for you if you'd stop bowing long enough to help me finish cleaning out these stalls. Well, now, Joe, you should know better than josh around with the governor. Why, he would never stoop so low to mess around in hay. HOSS: Well, now, Adam, that's where you're wrong. See, I told these folks I was a man of the people. I said, "Why, from humble beginnings, I rose to great heights." ADAM: And you know something, brother? You are absolutely right. HOSS: Aah! JOE: Got him! [JOE LAUGHING] His Honor, the eminent governor, Hoss Cartwright! JOE: Ha, ha, ha. BEN: All right, what's going on now? HOSS: Nothing, dad-burn it, Pa. Dadgum it, they just won't take nothing serious, that's all. These boys ribbing you again? Oh, Pa, come on, he dreamt he was the governor. Now, that's the biggest whopper of a dream I ever heard in my life. What's the matter with that dream? Hoss, I'd like you to do something for me. What's that, Pa? I want you to go by Jake Towne's cabin. Has he moved back up there on Devil Wind Hill? No, no, no, I got a letter from him, though. His uncle is staying at the cabin for a little while, and he'd like one of us to go by, - see if they've got everything they need. - They? Yeah, Uncle Phineas is there with his granddaughter. A young lady by the name of Amanda, I believe. Well, wouldn't it be more neighborly if we all went by? Yeah, I think Adam's right, Pa. It gets pretty dangerous up there on Devil Wind Hill. That wind blowing, one person alone... Joseph, Joseph, you don't really believe that that wind could blow your brother Hoss away, do you? - Ha, ha, ha. JOE: Hm. Oh, you gotta have a little more faith in your brother, Joseph. Just as I have faith in you. In me? I have so much faith in you that I know deep down that you are gonna stay here and clean up all these stalls. [ADAM LAUGHS] And I know that you're gonna have the south fence fixed before sundown. [JOE LAUGHS] You see, Joseph, that is what is known as faith. HOSS: That's right, Pa. Man's got enough of it, well, he can move mountains with it. Hey, Amanda, where the deuce did we put that tea? Where...? Oh, you unpacked last night, Grandpa, don't you remember? Here it is. I unpacked? Well, what do you know? Heh, heh. My goodness. Amanda, how about making us a cup of good Boston tea? AMANDA: Ugh. Amanda, why aren't you wearing one of your dresses, darling? We are here for science, Professor Klump, not society. Hmm. Why don't you go back to Boston, darling? Grandpa, I do not want to talk about it. That pack of laughing hyenas. Ugh. Well, I'm an inventor. You... Well, you just have to expect that, that's all. Yeah, expect people to call you a crackpot? And your own assistant to laugh in your face when one of your inventions blows up? Ha! And him marrying another girl and... Oh, Amanda, how's the tea coming? Fine, Grandpa, just fine. I think I'll do a little bird-watching while you're brewing. Heh, heh. Oh, the tea. I mean, while you're brewing the tea. That's what I... AMANDA: What are you nosing around here for? Ma'am, my name is Cartwright. I... - I'm from the Ponderosa. - The Ponderosa? Yeah, my Pa sent me out here to welcome you. - We don't want no welcome. - But, ma'am... Now go on, just get out of here! Go on! Yessum. You got a powerful good argument there, ma'am. [CRACKLING] Go on. Just keep right on going. [CRACKLING] PHINEAS: Amanda, stop it! Stop it. You'll kill me, Amanda! Grandpa, just drop down. I'll catch you. Ma'am, if you'll just be quiet and calm, I'll help you. Sir, just roll right on off, and I'll grab you. No, you have to speak up with Grandpa. HOSS: Oh. Sir, if you'll just roll right on off, I'll grab you! Well, you don't have to shout. I'm not hard of hearing. My goodness. Don't you think I'm too big a bird? Shucks, no. Just roll right on off. Come on. That's it. [PHINEAS LAUGHING] - Thank you. - Yeah. It's most opportune you being here, mister...? Cartwright. Hoss. Just call me Hoss. Oh, I'm Professor Phineas T. Klump. - Well, I'm happy to meet you, sir. - Well, thank you. Thank you. I can see you've already met my charming granddaughter, Amanda. Yes, sir. Charming. Come on, Grandpa, let me take you back to the cabin. You might have hurt yourself. She's always clucking over me like a mother hen, you know. What about that tea you were brewing? Perhaps our friend here would care for some of it. Grandpa, remember what...? PHINEAS: Listen, we are really indebted to Mr. Cartwright. Now let's show him some of that warm hospitality of the east. That would be nice. Well, that's mighty nice of you, professor, but... Well, I don't want to cause you any trouble. Well, it's no trouble, my goodness. It's good to be talking to a man again. - Men. Ugh! - Yes. Now I suppose she'll be worrying about me climbing that tree for my bird-watching. Heh, heh, heh. Yeah. Why don't we move that ladder over? - Say, that's a sensational idea. - Yeah. Why didn't I think of that myself? Oh, that'll be great. You have a very interesting name, Hoss. Yeah. Most people think it's Horse, but it ain't, it's just plain Hoss. - Oh, no, not that one. Cartwright. - Oh. Are you by any chance related to Edmund Cartwright? Well, not that I know of. Is he a friend of yours? A friend? No. Oh, that I just could've touched the hand of this genius. Or shared in the secrets of his brilliant mind, you know. - The man had a brilliant mind. - This Ed Cartwright? Yes. Oh, there are men who walk among us like giants, Hoss. Giants. Why, he gave priceless gifts to the world, you know. You take the loom, for instance. Who else would've thought of using machines for spinning cotton? - This Ed Cartwright? - Yes, yes. And what about his alcohol-fueled engine? There's no telling where that one will end, you know. - You don't say. - Oh, brilliant man. PHINEAS: I hope to use the Cartwright engine on one of my inventions. You're an inventor too, professor? Oh, inventing is my whole life, Hoss. Why, it's the only doorway left open for opportunity. Opportunity, huh? Hey, maybe we ought to shut the door so we could hear it knocking. [PHINEAS LAUGHS] Let's see if the tea is ready. Follow me. Hoss. My Klumpmobile, you know. There I was, lined up between two horse-drawn carriages. How they laughed at me. Heh, heh, heh. Well, professor, this Klumpmobile, it didn't have no horse at all? No, it was a completely horseless carriage. Yeah, well, how did it do in the race? It blew up. Right in their faces. Boy, nearly scared the pants off th... Pardon me, Grandpa. Well, it did just about that. Anyway, we came out here to be away from people, you see. Yeah. Yeah. Look, professor, you ain't gonna try to get that Klumpmobile started again, are you? Oh, for heaven sakes, no. That's a thing of the past. Heh, heh. No. I'm going into space now. Grandfather, you promised. [HOSS COUGHING] [WIND WHISTLING] Thank you, ma'am. Why, that's the longest Devil Wind yet. This is the season, you know. The wind only comes up the hill twice a day. Yeah, well... Well, thank you a whole lot, professor, for the tea. I reckon I'd better be heading on out. I'll... Oh, no, no, no, don't leave. Why, you haven't seen my invention. - But, professor, I think I better be... - No, listen. You are gonna be one of the first to lay your eyes on the greatest gift known to mankind. This is the most important invention since the wheel. - Important? - The most important. I'm a modest man, Hoss, but I tell you that the future of the world is out there in that shed. And this is your opportunity to see it. You know, I can almost hear it knocking right now. Let's go, professor. Hoss, you prepare yourself for the greatest sight - since the days of Leonardo da Vinci. - Who? Leonardo da Vinci, the great painter of the Mona Lisa. Oh, yeah. - He was also a marvelous inventor. - Yeah. Oh, he was centuries ahead of his time. Now, you just get ready. Are you ready? Yeah. Look. What is that contraption? Well, I haven't named it yet. But soon they'll take me soaring over mountains and valleys... You mean those are...? Those are your flying machine? Well, they will be as soon as I can come up with some means of strapping them on, yes. Are you sure it'll work? Well, I'm as sure as da Vinci was. Hoss, look here. See that? Man has known for hundreds of years that he could fly. All that's been needed is just one courageous soul to prove it. [PHINEAS LAUGHS] You mean to tell me, this has been going on all this time and I didn't even know nothing about it? Well, it's a very simple principle. It's like flying a kite. You see, the wind strikes an obstacle and it splits, and it flies over and under it. And behind the object, well, the air pressure lessens. Besides that, nature hates a vacuum. So it rushes in to replace it. And the back end of the kite goes up, or in this case, the man. Yeah, I never thought about it. Ha. And all you need is a harness, huh? Well, or something to fasten them together and on me, yes. Professor, I got an idea. There's gonna be another Cartwright getting into this invention business. If it's good enough for Ed Cartwright, it's good enough for Hoss Cartwright. Come on. PHINEAS: Oh, that's wonderful. That's wonderful. Well, what are you two doing? Hoss... Hoss is inventing a harness, dear, for the wings, you know. Oh, Grandpa, you look so silly. Well, I feel silly. [AMANDA & PHINEAS LAUGHING] I feel so... Come on, Hoss. [AL LAUGHING] It'll never work. We can all three get in that - with room left over. - Yeah. Ma'am, we don't need all of this. See, I'll take some of that off. When I get back to Ponderosa, I'm gonna make a lariat. And I can cinch it up tight, and it'll fit him as tight as it did the horse. AMANDA: Oh You know, it's a new Cartwright invention. - The Hoss Cartwright Harness. - Ha, ha. Yeah. [AMANDA LAUGHS] Well, I'm gonna go on back to Ponderosa and get that lariat made. Well, thank you, Hoss Cartwright. I guess maybe I should apologize for the way I welcomed you. I mean, since you didn't turn out to be one of those laughing hyenas. Yeah. What? Well, you know, like in Boston. Oh, yeah. Well, I'll see you, ma'am. - Amanda? Amanda. - Here. Here, Grandpa, I'll help you. - Come on. - Oh, thank you. Yes. Oh, dog. How come you're always half a jump ahead of me? Because I'm half again as smart as you are. Hoss, how about a game of checkers? No, thank you, Joe. I got a bunch of work here I gotta do. All right, come on, let's have one more. All right, one more try and that's it. What are those folks like up on Devil Wind Hill? Just ordinary folks, I reckon. What's the daughter like? Oh, she's about yay high and yay wide. - So is the corral gate. - Yeah, what's she look like? Well, she's got brown hair. Shimmering around her shoulders, soft and sweet. No, sort of like a schoolmarm does it. That's what it's like, yeah. - A topknot? - A schoolmarm? Well, I reckon the specs maybe reminds me of a schoolmarm a little bit too. She's awful smart. Awful smart. That does it. Your move. Sounds like a real beauty. Adam, next time you're in town, pick up the bills at the general store. Right. [BEN YAWNS] A lariat? Yeah, sort of. BEN: What for? - A harness. Pretty thin, isn't it? Well, he's got a pretty thin horse. Ha-ha-ha. Yeah. Heh, heh. Yeah. Hey, Pa, we got any kinfolk in England? Well, might have. Name Cartwright goes way back. Why? HOSS: Just wondering if we're any kin to that Edmund Cartwright. You mean the man who invented the loom? - Yeah, that's who. - No. He also invented an engine that uses alcohol for fuel. Ain't no telling where that's gonna end. What kind of fuel have you been using lately? [JOE LAUGHS] [HORSE APPROACHING] Can I help you, ma'am? AMANDA: Thank you. I'm looking for Mr. Hoss Cartwright. - Miss Amanda, what's the matter? - It's Grandpa. He's stuck. - Stuck? - In the tree. He tried without the lariat. You mean he tried to...? And I can't get him down. Is there something we can do? No, no, Pa, I'll take care of it. Come on, Miss Amanda. Giddyap! Giddyap there! Ha! Ha! Well, imagine trying to climb a tree without a lariat. Imagine thinking she looks like a schoolmarm. Giddyap, giddyap. [PHINEAS LAUGHS] Oh, good evening, Hoss. It seems we're always meeting at opposite ends of a tree. Well, yeah, it sure does at that. I thought you were gonna wait for the lariat. What's that? I say, I thought you were gonna wait for the lariat! Oh, I just wanted to make a small flight from the lower branches of the tree. Look, professor, can you get your arms out of them wings? No, I'm afraid not. See, I strained my latissimus dorsi. You what? My latissimus dorsi, I strained it! Maybe I ought to go get a doctor, huh? Oh, no, that won't be necessary, Hoss, no. You see, it's just that I can't lift that arm, but it'll be all right, it'll heal. I wrenched a muscle, you see. Yeah, well, we'll have to do it another way. AMANDA: Be careful with him, Hoss. - Yessum. AMANDA: Here, I'll get it, I'll get it. Oh, by the way, Hoss, you know, your idea for the harness, smashing success. - Yeah, it looks a little smashed. - Oh. What about the wings? Oh, there's just a few feathers missing, that's all. You see, it's my own wing that I'm worried about. This one here, you see. HOSS: Lift that other arm, professor. - Oh, I can't. AMANDA: Oh, Grandpa! - No, I can't. It... How long does it take that latimus or thing or whatever you call it, how long does it take to heal? Oh, about a month, maybe more. I'll miss that Devil Wind for sure, you know. It only lasts another week. You mean we can't do it? Well, I can't. I can't. You know, Hoss, I was just thinking. You're not gonna see man in flight after all. Heh, heh. Too bad. Of course, unless someone else decides to do the honors, you know. Yeah, dab-burn it, that's too bad, professor. Well, I'll do it, Grandpa. Miss Amanda, you're a girl. Well, what's that got to do with it? Professor, will you tell her that this is man's job? All right, what man will do it? Me! Me? Hey, Hoss? Hoss! Adam, you seen Hoss? Oh, you mean our brother? The one that wants to be taken seriously? Well, who else do I mean? He's out there. - What's he doing? - He's flying a kite. Hold this for me, will you? - What is it? - It's a book Hoss was reading. "Birds of the Western World." - Hey, what's happening, Hoss? - Oh, nothing, dab-burn it. Joe, you know anything about these things? I've been running 40 miles with this this morning, - ain't got it over knee-high. - Hmm. Oh, that's a real nice one. Yeah, that's a nice one. It's a well-made one. - Great day for flying. - Yeah. Hey. - Joe, if I was to tell you something, - Hmm? A big secret, would you promise not to laugh at me? Hoss, have I ever? You know I won't laugh. What is it? Well, you know that Professor Klump up on Devil Wind Hill? Well, he's got this invention, see, that's gonna change the world, Joe. The whole dang world. And I'm gonna fly it. Fly it? Yeah, that's what I'm doing out here with this kite. I'm trying to feel out the wind a little bit. I'm gonna fly, Joe, like a bird. And then I'm gonna be one of them... One of them giants among men. [JOE SNICKERING] [LAUGHING] What's so dab-burned funny? My brother the bird. [LAUGHING] - Now, Joe, stop it! - I'm gonna fly to my nest. Dang it, Joe! [JOE CHIRPING] HOSS: You better stop it now, I'm telling you! It's a great day to fly. - I said, stop it and I mean it! Stop it! - Gonna put salt on my tail? - Joe, I mean it! Dab-burn it, stop it! - All right. I'm just joshing. - I'm joshing. - All right, I ain't. Now, you say it. You say, "Hoss is gonna be a giant among men." Now say it. Hoss is gonna be a giant bird. - A giant among men. Now say it. - You 300-pound robin. - All right, come on. - No! Hey, no! No! HOSS: Into the water trough. JOE: Not the... HOSS: You're gonna say it. - Oh, come on. Oh, come on. One last time. You gonna say it? Say, "Hoss is gonna be a giant among men." Now say it. - Polly want a cracker? Ha-ha-ha. - Okay, Joe, that did it. Now, are you gonna say it? [JOE CHIRPING] You gonna say it? [JOE CAWING] BEN: Well... HOSS: Oh, hi, Pa. May I be so bold as to ask what this is all about? Well, dab-burn it, Pa, I'm just trying to teach him to take me a little more seriously, that's all. Oh, I see. And at the risk of sounding perhaps a little foolish, does this belong to you? Well, perhaps, just perhaps, if you were to act a little more seriously, maybe people would take you a little more seriously. Buck, come on. [CLUCKING] JOE: Ah! Forget it. Dab-burn it, I'll teach you. I'll teach you. [JOE CHIRPING] Any sign of him yet, Grandpa? I can't understand it. He knows we're testing today. Oh, Grandpa, you don't suppose he's like the others? - I mean, only humoring us? - Oh. Heh, heh, heh. Oh, don't worry. He'll be here, darling. He promised, didn't he? - Oh, do I look all right? - Oh, you look just... Why, Amanda, darling, what have you done to yourself? Well, I've gone and decided to look like a girl. - Oh. - I mean, pretty. Is it all right? All right? My goodness me. All right? Ho-ho-ho. Why, it's just wonderful. It's wonderful. Oh, Grandpa. Oh, my goodness. You look just like your mother used to, you know? [PHINEAS LAUGHS] Is it Hoss? Oh, he's so big and brave. - Grandpa, he's just wonderful. - Oh, yes, yes. The world is full of wonderful men if you'll just look around. Big, brave, wonderful men. But I guess you've met enough of the other kind, huh? Yes. But that's all over now, is it? No more suspicion? No more distrust? And no more going after strangers with a gun, either. [BOTH LAUGH] HOSS: Whoa. - Howdy, professor. PHINEAS: Hello, Hoss. Miss Amanda, howdy. This here is my little brother, Joe. He's a Cartwright too. Ain't you, Joe? Yeah, that's what my daddy calls me. AMANDA: This was supposed to be a secret. Amanda, aren't you gonna say hello to the new guest? AMANDA: Oh, um... How do you do, Little Joe? I don't believe we ever met formally. No, ma'am, I don't believe we have... AMANDA: Okay. Ooh! Hi. Hoss, you haven't told Little Joe about, you know...? Flying? Oh, yeah, sure I told him, professor. You did, eh? And didn't he...? Laugh? No, not Little Joe. He ain't got a laughing bone in his body. Ain't that right, little brother? Oh, yeah, that's right. They call me Old Sobersides. What do you think of your big, brave brother flying? Well, ma'am, there's nothing I'd rather see than my big brother taking a flying leap. Oh, well, that's wonderful. That's marvelous. Come on. Come on, Amanda, let's get to the test. Come on. Oh, no. No, you don't. Come on, put that horse right over there. You ain't getting out of my sight until after I make that test flight. You'd go back and tell Pa and Adam and everybody. Now put that horse up. There. Ain't that a grand sight? - Yeah, what is it? - It's my wing, of course. - Exciting, isn't it? - Yeah, sure is. I'm just making a few improvements. Oh, incidentally, Hoss, I hope you don't mind, but I ran short of cash down at the general store, and I charged all our supplies to your account. I wouldn't have done it, except that the things we needed were really urgent. Well, it's all right, professor. Amanda, will you run in and get $17 and 40 cents for Hoss? Oh, sure, Grandpa. Your brother is gonna be a very important man in these parts. Oh, there won't be a person around who hasn't heard of Hoss Cartwright when we get finished. I imagine you're right. There's not too many folks in these parts who fall out of trees all over the place. Not fall out, little brother. Fly out. F-L-Y, fly. Fly. Fly. I'm sorry, that's what I meant. Fly. Yes, fly. That's what he said and that's what it is. Oh, the vistas that Hoss will open up for the whole world. Think of it, Little Joe. Men spanning mountains and rivers and whole territories in one day. Why, flight will open up the locked doors to weary travelers, and industry and commerce. Oh. - Industry and commerce? PHINEAS: Of course. No more mule trains carrying supplies over rocky terrains. No more weary buckboard rides into the nearest town. Oh, my goodness. When this flight is over, man will be as free as a bird. - Oh, nothing's free, professor. - Huh? I said, nothing is free, professor. What are you gonna call this thing? Well, I hadn't mentioned it, yet, but... - Here, Grandpa. - Oh, thank you. There you are, Hoss. I have an idea, though. Ha, ha. I shall call it the Hossmobile. - The Hossmobile? - Mm-hm. Yes, the "mobile" for movability and the "Hoss" for the man who's making the whole thing possible. The Hossmobile. That's a wonderful name, Grandpa. Yeah, it's the kind of name nobody could forget. Well, we'll need something to transport the wings, you know. Oh, would you bring that ladder, Little Joe? - Oh, sure thing. - Professor? How are we gonna get the wings up in that tree? Tree? Wha...? The tree? Yeah, well, the one where you jumped. Oh, Grandpa was just testing the harness in the tree. The flight is going to be from Devil Wind Cliff. - Oh. PHINEAS: Yeah. JOE: Watch out for these sticks, Hoss. Hey, how heavy is this sack, professor? Oh, about the same weight as Hoss. I picked it very carefully. Our tests have to be extremely scientific, you know. JOE: Yeah, why do we have to have a test for anyway? You don't think I'd let the boy go off without one, do you? JOE: Why not? My goodness. You see, science... Science is based on experiment. See, foolproof tests before we allow humans to participate. It's a sort of trial and error. Well, let's hope Hoss' flight is a trial and not an error. Ha, ha, ha. Now, look, Hoss, you just keep here, the wings, you take them right to the edge and you wait for the Devil Wind to start, okay? - Can you handle it? - Yeah. Oh, yeah. JOE: Well, it's a big bird. PHINEAS: Yeah. [WIND WHISTLING] Grandpa, I can hear the Devil Wind now. Here it comes. PHINEAS: Here it comes, Hoss. Push the wings over. JOE: Give it a shove. Yeah, let her go. [WIND HOWLING] We did it, Hoss! We did it! Tomorrow, my boy, you will be the sack of grain. Ha, ha, ha. [JOE HUMMING] Where did you learn to sew so fast, anyhow? Necessity, brother, necessity. How am I gonna get you off that cliff if I don't get these wings patched up from the test? Yeah, the test. Look. Little Joe, maybe there's something you ought to know. You know that book I've been studying, that bird book? JOE: Mm-hm. Well, it's up in the hayloft back at the house, and folded inside the pages are my last will and testimony. Just in case something goes wrong. Goes wrong? What do you mean, goes wrong? I got a lot of plans made. - Plans? - Yeah, plans. Hoss, that professor makes a lot of sense if you'd just listen to him. - I did. I did. - Well, then you must realize there's a tremendous future in this flying business. Tremendous. We'll make a fortune. - Flying? - Sure, flying. Look, after you make this first flight, Hoss, we make our own wings then. - For what? - For you. Hoss, I can rent you out all over this territory. I can rent you out for errands, - I can rent you out for circuses. - You dirty, rotten, scheming little... You think I'd go through this again, risk my neck for money? Well, why not? You're doing it today for nothing! Oh, I see you've finished there. Well, I'm just about finished, professor. But Hoss seems to be all thumbs today. Oh, well, I'd be myself, son, if I were about to fly. Say, Little Joe, will you...? - Will you finish that other one there? - Sure. Thanks a lot, because Hoss has to get his final instructions. Gee, how I envy you. Heh, heh, heh. I wish I were the one going into space. Yeah, so do I. Huh? I just said, I love to fly. PHINEAS: Oh, well, that's wonderful. Come on. I'll take you over there. You see, when you get up on top of the hill, now this Devil Wind... Are you listening to me, Hoss? Hoss. You see, the Devil Wind comes... ADAM: Hey, Hoss! Joe! [WHISTLES] [WHISTLES] Hey, Pa wants you. Hey! Oh, not that again. "Last will and testimony of Hoss Cartwright." Now, look, Hoss, if you land on the slope, you know, keep flapping, don't let the wings drag you. You control them. You see, a bird in landing, well, he uses his feet. He lands on his feet. You do the same. You land on your heels and that will keep you from falling on your face. Now, I'll tell you what. I'll go and see if the wings are ready. You know, I think you might practice. It won't hurt anyhow. Hey, Pa. - Did you find Hoss? - No, but... He'd better have a pretty good explanation for buying these little things from the general store. Just read that. "Three dozen ladies' corset stays, two egret-plumed hats, one dozen goose-feathered pillows, and a 250-pound sack of grain." Has he gone right out of his mind? Oh, yes, his mind. Look at that. "Last will and testimo..." "I, Hoss Cartwright of Virginia City Territory, Nevada, declare this to be my last will and testimony." Now, what's all this about? Ladies' corsets, pillows, - a whole trousseau, and then the will. - Well? Haven't you ever heard of a shotgun wedding? Hoss? Heh. Ah. You either get married or get shot, so the will. Oh, no, no, no. You got any better ideas? No. But we can sure find out. Joe, I just can't do it. What do you mean, you can't do it? There's nothing to it. If it's so easy, then how about you taking my place, huh? No, no. Don't you get the point? Someday maybe we'll want to carry passengers. You're the only bird big enough to do it. AMANDA: Oh, golly, Hoss, you look wonderful. Hey, that's almost worth flying for. But the rewards will be much greater than a mere kiss. Oh. Oh, gee, Hoss, that was fun. Oh, but we've got more important things to do. Come on. Come on. [PHINEAS LAUGHS] PHINEAS: To the runway there. JOE: What do you mean by the runway, professor? Oh, the path I cleared there. See, now Hoss will run right down to the edge, and then take off. That's it. Heh, heh, heh. JOE: Hoss. Hoss, I want you to give it all you got. Really go, Hoss. Now remember, Hoss, it's like diving into the water. That's all it is. But, professor, I can't even swim. Oh, don't worry about swim, Hoss? Just flap, brother. Just flap. AMANDA: Listen. [WIND WHISTLING] Oh, that's the Devil Wind starting up now. Hot diggity. Grandpa, it's gonna be a big one! PHINEAS: Now, get on your mark. All right, Hoss, wings up. All right, let's go now. Come on, on your mark. Get set. JOE: Give it all you got, Hoss! PHINEAS: Go ahead, Hoss. Hey, look. That's the biggest bird I ever saw. That's no bird. That's your brother! Come on! [WIND HOWLING] Hey! Hey, what's the matter with you? Come on, fly, will you? I got a rock in my boot, Joe. That's it. Yeah. Oh, giant among men. He's got a ro... Which boot? PHINEAS: Hurry up, we'll lose the wind! [JOE GRUNTS] What have you got these boots on with? HOSS: Rock. Rock. Unh! - There ain't no rock in that boot. AMANDA: Hurry, it's coming back! Come on, brother, wing it! [HOSS SOBBING] Come on! That's it, wing it! Wing it! What a big bird! [WIND HOWLING] [SOBBING] The wind is blowing him! - Sideways! - Yes! Hey, Hoss, get off of there! Just fly, will you? I can't, Joe! I got my woolly sock caught on a nail! Ugh! All right, I'll get you off! BEN: Hoss, don't do it! Aah! Aah! Whoo-hoo! Aah! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Hoss! [HOSS SCREAMING] Look! - Hoss! HOSS: Down here! Adam, get a rope. I see you're playing this game too, Joseph. Me? No, not exactly, Pa. It was Professor Klump's invention. I think I'll go help Adam. Professor, Klump. Yes? Oh, Mr. Cartwright. How do you do? I'm Professor Klump. Yes. Your son just took a plunge toward immortality. Heh, heh. Yeah, well, it looks like he almost made it. What's been going on up here? Why, didn't you know? This was Hoss' big opportunity to prove that man can fly. Man can fly? Yeah, but unfortunately the... HOSS: Hey, professor. Professor, we did it. We did it. - We did? HOSS: Yeah. Didn't you see? Oh, hi, Pa. - You all right, son? HOSS: Yeah. See what, Hoss? Professor, I'd have flown all the way to Virginia City, if that wind hadn't pushed me down. - What? - Yeah. Yeah. Didn't anybody see it? Dab-burn it, I took off like I shot out of a cannon. And the wind stopped the flight? Sure did. Professor, that wind ain't no good whatsoever for flying. No, sir. What a man needs is a feller to fall on a ladder like Little Joe did. That's what's gonna make a man fly. Oh, a fulcrum. Well, bless my soul, I never... A fulcrum, of all things. Sure. Yeah. What's a fulcrum? A lever, you know, the catapult principle. Oh, I see that you have a scientific mind too, Mr. Cartwright. Say, Amanda, we're going to Washington. We'll get this thing patented. And maybe we can get some financial interest. AMANDA: Now? - Yeah, why not? They may call me a crackpot, but I don't care, let them. I've seen it done. Now go ahead, dear, and pack. Go on. I'll write to you, I promise. Hoss, the world owes you a debt. A big debt. You know, we... Where's Ben? You know, we should've gone further than da Vinci. We should've gone all the way back to Archimedes. You mean, "Give me a fulcrum and I can move the world." Yeah, that's exactly what he said, Mr. Cartwright. And that's just what Hoss has proven. Good boy, Hoss. Ha, ha. Pa, you ain't mad, are you? Well, how can I be mad at a man who has so much faith in science, and so much faith in my son? Oh, shucks, Pa. He didn't know how scared I was, until I landed. Hey, there's just one thing I wanna know. Now, were you just humoring that old man or did you really fly? Little brother, like I always told you, you gotta have faith. Why, with faith, you can move a mountain. Up you go. Don't fly away again. What do you think? Well, I'll go along with faith moving mountains, but flying over them? I don't know, Adam. I just don't know.
Behind the Scenes of The Ponderosa Birdman
In this particular episode, Hoss reveals his inability to swim. This detail tragically becomes significant later in the series when he loses his life while attempting to rescue a girl. This event is cited as the reason for Dan Blocker’s departure from the series following his real-life passing.
In a notable parallel, the 1970 episode “Dream of Falcons” from the series Lancer presents a similar storyline. Here, Chad Lancer, played by John Beck, endeavors to aid an eccentric inventor in constructing a flying machine on Lancer land.
Additionally, Hoss fondly introduces Joe as “my little brother, Joe,” while Amanda and her father promptly refer to him as “Little Joe.”
Looking for More Bonanza Episodes?
Bonanza provides wholesome entertainment that is perfect for solo enjoyment and shared moments with loved ones. The Ponderosa Birdman is the 188th episode out of 430 in the series. Produced by NBC, Bonanza graced their network from September 1959 to January 1973, enjoying an impressive run spanning 14 seasons.
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