the duke
Bonanza Western TV
The Lone Writer  

The Duke Full Episode – Bonanza, Season #02, Episode #25

Bonanza’s formula for its success—a western setting, action-packed tales, and sporadic laughter—kept the program at its peak for a long time. William Cox and Theodore and Mathilde Ferro wrote the program’s fifty-seventh episode, The Duke, which aired on March 11, 1961. This episode was also one of the several episodes in the series directed by Robert Altman.

Maxwell Reed played the titular character, Clarence “The Duke of London” Simpson, an egotistical and self-centered professional boxer. When The Duke of London arrives in Virginia City, he challenges everyone to a public fight, provoking locals into brawls by acting up around their women. Hoss eventually joins The Duke in the ring, the ending leaving a significant impact on both the arrogant boxer and his patient manager/brother Limey (J. Pat O’Malley).

Randy Stuart plays Marge, and Jason Evers plays Lambert in the episode.

Read this episode’s storyline and behind-the-scenes information, or watch the episode below.

Watch the Full Episode of The Duke

Watch the Full Episode:

Main Cast

Here are the cast members who appeared in this episode, the twenty-fifth episode of Bonanza’s second season:

  • Lorne Greene as Ben Cartwright
  • Pernell Roberts as Adam Cartwright (credit only)
  • Dan Blocker as Eric ‘Hoss’ Cartwright
  • Michael Landon as Joseph ‘Little Joe’ Cartwright
  • Maxwell Reed as Clarence ‘The Duke of London’ Simpson
  • Randy Stuart as Marge Fuller
  • J. Pat O’Malley as Harry Simpson
  • Jason Evers as J.D. Lambert
  • Ray Teal as Sheriff Roy Coffee
  • Al Christy as Bartender Joe
  • Fred Aldrich as Townsman (uncredited)
  • John Barton as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Jimmie Booth as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Bill Clark as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Jaye Durkus as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Betty Endicott as Saloon Girl (uncredited)
  • John George as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Joseph Glick as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Al Haskell as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Chester Hayes as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Lars Hensen as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Michael Jeffers as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Bob LaWandt as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Bert Madrid as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Martha Manor as Saloon Girl (uncredited)
  • Rod McGaughy as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Bob Miles as Townsman (uncredited)
  • John Rice as Townsman (uncredited)
  • John Roy as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Cosmo Sardo as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Jeffrey Sayre as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Sammy Shack as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Chick Sheridan as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Rudy Sooter as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Ray Spiker as Townsman (uncredited)
  • George Tracy as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Max Wagner as Townsman (uncredited)
  • Chalky Williams as Townsman (uncredited)

Full Story Line for The Duke

The saloon girl, Marge, greets J.D. Lambert as he enters the town bar with Hoss and Little Joe. However, J.D. was too shy to continue talking to his girl.

Clarence Simpson, the Duke of London, arrives in Virginia City with his manager. He approaches Marge to kiss her hand, claiming she’s the most beautiful lady in the country. His manager, Harry Simpson, reminds him that ladies take away their wages, then invites him to the town pub to drink.

Harry announces that the Duke challenges all comers to a fight at the town pub. Any man who stands four rounds will win $500.

The Duke believes the citizens in Virginia City and the United States are cowards, deeming themselves lucky to get even a single fight in town. Harry thinks the saloon girl distracted the Duke, causing the other to reprimand his alcoholic tendencies.

The Cartwrights invite Marge to dinner with J.D. Ben asks about the Duke of London, praising his sons for ignoring the prizefighter. Marge reveals that the Duke stopped her in the middle of the lobby and kissed her hand. Hearing this annoyed J.D., but Ben assures him that it’s a typical gesture in Europe. Ben advises them to avoid the professional prizefighter, as they’re no match for him.

Once J.D. and Marge go outside for a walk, the Cartwrights discuss how meek their friend was, wondering how J.D. even started talking to Marge. Hoss and Little Joe don’t think the couple would work out, considering their opposite demeanor. However, Ben believes that love will make it possible.

Sheriff Roy approaches the Duke to tell him that using his fists on anyone would send him to jail.

Meanwhile, Marge and J.D. have just returned to the pub. The Duke calls J.D. a coward, causing the latter to point his gun at him. The Duke continues to taunt him, and although Marge tries to stop J.D., he eventually punches the Duke in the face. Harry calls it a fight, so the two start fighting. However, since the Duke is a professional prizefighter, J.D. is bruised on the floor. Roy insists on taking the Duke to prison for what happened, but Harry and the bartender admit that J.D. hit the Duke first. The Duke approaches Marge, telling her the man she needs is right before him. However, Marge only slapped him in response.

After learning what happened to J.D., Hoss and Little Joe are eager to avenge their meek friend. However, Ben believes it’s a terrible idea, considering the Duke is a professional prizefighter. Ben thinks it’s best to let another expert fighter, Heenan, the Benicia Boy, deal with the self-centered British prizefighter.

Meanwhile, despite his severe injuries, J.D. only worries about his image, upset that Marge had to see him made a fool of himself for challenging the Duke.

Hoss and Little Joe visit the pub to tell Duke about the Benicia Boy. Marge approaches the two Cartwrights to ask about J.D.’s condition, to which Joe replies bitterly. He excuses themselves for a moment as they have other business to handle. They speak with the drunk Harry, informing him about the Benicia Boy. Harry’s expression changes upon hearing about Benecia Boy Heenan. However, he maintained his arrogance by telling the boys he was excited to tell it to the Duke.

A week passed, and the Cartwrights continued to wait for Heenan to arrive. The townspeople watch the Duke work out. J.D. comes in the hall, and Marge asks if he’s alright. However, J.D. tells her he’s in a hurry, then goes to where Hoss and Joe are standing. Marge exits the hall crying, greatly affected by J.D.’s change of behavior towards her.

The Duke barges into Marge’s room, where he hears the lady crying. Marge reaches for her gun, but the Duke grabs her, forcing her into a kiss. Marge suddenly laughs, confusing the Duke. Annoyed, he assaults her repeatedly. Harry steps in to stop the Duke, but he gets beaten up.

Marge tells J.D. about the Duke and Harry. Hoss and Little Joe rush to Marge’s room while J.D. stays with Marge to keep her company. Hoss and Joe find Harry lying on the floor, then assists him in sitting on the bed. Harry tells them that the Duke doesn’t understand her view on things, then reveals they’re brothers, much to Hoss and Joe’s surprise. Although injured, the Duke’s words hurt so much more for him. Harry only wanted the best of the Duke, but he no longer wanted to stay with him after what happened. Hoss is infuriated by how the Duke treated J.D., Marge, and even his brother. Joe feels the same with him, so he accompanies Hoss as he challenges the Duke once and for all.

Sheriff Roy stood as the referee for the bare-knuckle fight, which Ben organized against his will. The Duke appears to have the upper hand in the first rounds, but Hoss knocks the Duke to the ground in the third round. By the fourth round, the Duke can no longer approach the attacking Hoss, falling to the ground. The Duke and his manager/brother come to terms with the defeat-induced humility after the Duke finally recognizes that he’s no good without his brother.

After the Simpsons settle their account, Ben tells them about the proposed fight with Benicia Boy Heenan in San Francisco. The Duke sincerely apologizes to Marge and J.D. before leaving to confront Heenan.

Full Script and Dialogue of The Duke




see you later boys

hi hon can i have my key

jd hi hon i thought you were coming into

town the middle of the week

uh afternoon ma'am

well what do you think i think we need

to have a beer no no no i mean

i mean about her about who what are you

talking about

my girl

you mean that was your girl mm-hmm boy

ain't she wonderful

that that's margie the one you're gonna

bring out to supper

you didn't even act like in your yeah

yeah i know it

sometimes happens to me when i get

around her i don't know i just kind of

get all

tied up inside boy ain't she something


uh joel uh better give us three beers

i'll come over here come on now that's

gonna move up with that

oh thank you


oh there you are my man you have uh

reservations for the duke of london

and his entourage let's have a little

service now

oh madam your hand

hmm i kiss the hand of the most


lady i've seen since i've been in this

beastly country

hold your horses now dookie it's the men

what pays our wages and it's the ladies

what takes them away you understand come

on let's go in the pub

miguel is fair crying out for a nip

joe set up some drinks for the boys did

adam come in with you no left a couple

days ago we're all you had to make a

little trip to san francisco

make way for the duke of london

all right your bloke's now out of the

way give the duke some elbow room

drinks for the house you'll have to get

in line stranger drinks are bought for

this round

the duke of london waits for no one come

follow a bottle

you a drink on the duke of london

i'm sorry mister but uh little joe

already bought me a drink

gentlemen may i have your attention


the duke of london champion of the

british empire

on a world tour challenges all covers

any man who stands four rounds will be


500 american money

do you dare yankees






yank is a nation of adults and cowards

ah knock it bobo we'll take a pound or

two from them don't you worry

you know you really showed that crowd

something down there

you was real prime look at this filthy


virginia city nothing but a foul pig pen

ah come off it we seem worse although i

must say i have never tasted such bad

whiskey oh

what i wouldn't give for some good old


and your liquor well can't you stop

guzzling even for a moment

why should i every man to his own sin i


well you could hardly call yourself a


like the rest of these dunkirs around

here who have to wear guns to protect


we'll have to be extremely lucky to get

a fight in this town uh

you just keep on playing the game bobo

we'll get our fight

you know you've got a knack you have i

have never known of any one man who

could get so many other men aiding him

in such a short time

you're a marvel that's what you are and

you know

when they ate you enough that's where we

get our fight

so you go on being your own natural self

you drunken

sot ah you can call me names bobo but

you can't escape me

oh will you shut up ah i know you too


every time you get like this is because

of some skirt

it wouldn't be the little bar made you

took a fancy two now would it

you don't suppose she's out playing a

little slap and tickle with one of these

ear american cowboys while the end sub

duke of london is pacing up and down the

floor now do you

now you leave the women to me because i

handle them a lot better than you

handle this filthy rubbish you are



that's gee you know this is this is just

great i mean

it's just wonderful of you mr cartwright

to to go to all this trouble invite me

out for supper and everything

well we're very happy to have the

opportunity of making your acquaintance

miss fuller

jd talks so much about you uh

will you have some dessert oh uh yeah


uh oh and and just call me marge

um everybody does

uh honey do you want some pie no thanks

sir i mean

ma'am well you boys had quite a time in

town didn't you

this surprise fighter uh what did you

say his name was

uh the duke of london paul i ain't never

seen a duke before but

they're all like gut feller i don't ever

care nothing about seeing another i wish

you'd been along with this bob this man

makes more enemies just walking into a

room anybody ever saw in my life

well you boys did right to ignore him

well you should have seen what he did to

me mr cartwright he stopped me right in

the middle of the lobby

and grabbed my hand and kissed it well

if i'd have known that i'd have taken a

wallop at him

well jd hand kissing in europe is uh

quite common probably just a gesture

not the way he did it it wasn't he

looked at me like he owned me or


yeah i should have walloped him i'm

afraid you wouldn't have stood much of a

chance j.d

the man is a professional prize fighter

you know his fists

are considered lethal weapons by law

well i got a

couple of lethal weapons of my own you

hold on there

don't you get any big ideas just because

you're big and strong doesn't mean that

you're a match for a professional prize


just stay away from this duke or

whatever it is that he calls himself no

amateur can stand up to a professional

just keep out of his way i'm afraid

we're not being very polite to our guest

oh that's all right don't mind me i kind

of enjoyed talking about him i sure

never met a man like him before and i've

met a lot of them

you sure got a nice place here you know


i never lived in a house in all my life

not me neither

you will jd whenever you get married

uh we'll take over the house down by the


jd wanted to take marge outside show

around the place

could we jd i'd love to see it well it's

pretty dark out there i don't know what

you could see

well there's a full moon she ought to be

able to see enough

you go ahead uh the boys will clean up

the dishes clean up the dishes

oh oh yeah yeah you you glad jd

well uh okay






i thought i was going to bust that laven

right in front of the boat something me

too joel

ojd's collar was tired i thought his

eyes are gonna pop out yeah

the thing i can't figure out is how jd

ever got up enough nerf to talk to her

in the first place

the galactic usually starts a

conversation herself huh

a girl like what no i don't mean she's a

well she's a dancehall girl i thought

she was very nice

what did you think hoss i i thought she

was very nice

hello wait a minute i didn't say i

didn't think she was very nice

yeah boy it's just that old jd and her


don't seem to go together for some

reason otherwise i don't know

yeah that's right that's all i meant by

it pa look you know how jd is he's

he's so shy and everything and i just

don't think it'll ever work out

it'll work out if he loves her

jd huh honey are you afraid of me

no ma'am of course not

uh now over there that's the smokehouse


uh you can just see the smoke there

coming out of the smokehouse

well if you're not afraid of me then why

did you look at me when you talked to me

well i was looking at the smoke house

it's right over right

turn around yes ma'am no that's better

you know i um i like what you said in

there i mean about uh

being willing to fight the englishman

over me it was a real nice thing to say

well i don't think fellas ought to go

around kissing girls

well i mean if they're not you know

sometimes a girl doesn't mind being


well if you liked it that's that's your


but those flashy guys always seem to

fool the women but he don't fool me

i wasn't talking about him jd but at

least he wasn't afraid

who do you think i am i'm willing to try

and find out


well i may not be as fancy as that big

bag of wind but i ain't afraid of

anything including him

i bet you're afraid to kiss a girl

well are you no i'm not

i mean when i find a girl i want to kiss


gonna get good and kissed oh

i'll get the buggy ah

i guess paul was right j.d is in love

with her

how do you know oh if he wasn't he would

have kissed her

you know that won't make sense the lacos

i know you're older than i am but

there's certain things i have a little

more experience in than you have

and this just happens to be one of them


i bet you he kisses her on the way home

ah hey he'll he'll try to kiss her

she's not gonna let him

dad bernie joe that just don't make



mr duke one does not address a duke

as mister now does one well i'm not

anxious to address you in any way shape

or form i just want to warn you that

about what i am perfectly capable of

taking care of myself

constable now we don't address a sheriff

as a constable now do we

i just want to point out that as a

professional fighter if you use your

fists on anyone i'm going to jail you

for assault with a deadly weapon

oh then in the event that i am attacked

i will not even be allowed to defend

myself now you know better than that

besides i have a feeling that nobody

around here is going to be foolish

enough to try a thing like that

so i suggest you just move on your way

is there anything else before you leave

i think that'll be enough

maybe she ain't coming home tonight

oh now you're giving me the silent


first you knock me about then you act as

if it wasn't here

well i am here bobo and you know i'm


and when you need me i'll be working

late in the office

in other words in the pub


marge i i don't know what

what came over me i'm just i'm i'm sorry

it happened it's all right mr lambert

it's forgotten but look look i

i don't blame you for slapping me i i

had it coming but

well you look so so pretty there with

the moonlight in your hair i

just all of a sudden have to kiss you

marge i'm you

clumsy fool you stupid oaf

how dare you even address this lady come

on jb

come on scum you coward you yellow belly

how very brave you are with a gun

pointed at someone who is completely


your bravery overwhelms me to such a


i can no longer tolerate the sight of


well come my good fellow are you not

going to pull the trigger

jd don't don't get mixed up with him go

on home




all right all right you saw what


surely you have a better man in virginia

city and if you want

well i suggest you send for one because

the champion here

expects to ever fight in this fair town

of yours

somebody got a doctor he's hurt bad hank

you and mike take him over the dock will


so you found one eh after i told you the


well you're going to the caliber oh no

he ain't the yankee dim first

every bloke here saw it

is that right joe yeah that's right jd

hit him first

you had better get these laundered

no i'd feel you sheriff come on in i'll

buy you a drink

i'm sorry you couldn't have seen me up

against a more worthy opponent

one could hardly call it a fight could


of course i could uh tell from the

outset that you were a woman who

needed a man not a boy

well now you've found one


the doctor said he never saw so much

damage done by a man's fist

and you know the funny thing the boys

that saw it said it looked like he was

just tapping him

i'll tell you something else too jd

ain't the easiest man in the world to


i've seen him take three minors one

night in virginia city single-handed

roy what started it well from what i

understand it was that girl marge

man's a professional he ought to be

jailed but jd took the first swing

i was good at that very nice girl to let

him get his head knocked off on her


i don't care if jd did swing first i'll

guarantee he didn't start it

come on joe all right you boys stay

right where you are stay right here look

at jd

just look at him you want us to stand

here and do nothing that's exactly what

i want you to do stand there and do

nothing you can't gun down a man

for defending himself now jd was warned

he was warned that's my

my fault mr car right

don't nobody tackle him it's my fault

i know he's going to do that to a friend

of ours i agree with joel paul i don't

care who you agree with you're staying

out of it

oh marge oh marge saw it she

he saw me make a fool of myself i

i could never see her again paul i can

hurt that man

no i can get one hand on him i said no

what they say he strikes faster than


yeah well you just wait till i get my

hands on him just a point he won't hold

still long enough

yeah well the horse can't catch him the

two of us can't right

just be quiet listen to me now first as

i said

jd was warned not to mix with a duke

second i've seen professional fighters

at work

when i was young and that wasn't so long

ago i thought i was pretty good too

well one of them showed me how good i

was that's when this was broken for the

first time i couldn't think straight for

a week

but paul i'm bigger than you you may be

bigger than i am but you know tougher

than i was in those days

a man just wasn't designed to be beaten

up the way a price fighter can do it

there's another way and a better way

yeah like what

if he's so anxious to have a fight we'll

get him another professional prize

fighter to fight with

paul there ain't no professional prize

fighters around here nowhere no

but i know where there is one i'll send

a wire to adam

in san francisco there's a fighter there

a great fighter he and the minister boy

we'll pay him to get here as fast as he

can roy yeah

if i write out the why would you take it

into town i'll take it to san francisco

myself i have to

still like to get my hands on that duke

all right you hear that jd i'm gonna get

that venetia boy to take care of the


yeah he's a real champ jd he'll take

care of that duke right side

marge marge saw him make a fool of me

he ain't hearing nothing we're saying

i'd still like get my hands on that duke

now i'm gonna have to do what pause said

cause that don't mean we can't ride into

town tomorrow and

sort of break the news about the benicio

boy i kind of like to see the look on

the duke's face when we tell them that

yeah i sort of like to see that duke

follow myself

hey wait a minute i said we're gonna

break the news to him not his neck





my what you're a dart board

hello how is he how's jesus

a little late to be asking him is he all

right oh yeah he's fine

he's got a busted nose lost a few teeth

otherwise he's feeling just fine

he he ain't too pretty it's gonna be a

while before he

feels like doing any courting again too

i know everybody thinks that it's my


would you take a message to him would

you tell him that i want to see him

well i don't think he's going to want to

see anybody for a while especially you

actually excuse us man we have some

business to take care of

he'll line you up and take you on to the

time he will the old blanket down

because there ain't a man god or demon

could whip the duke

i trained him from a little

whippersnapper i did and he's the


got a fist like a rock and i like it all

so bring on your finest and well that's

exactly what we intend to do

bring on the finest you

you're funnier than that bloke last


no no not me little man i'm talking

about the benicia boy

venetia boy

you're trying to fool old limey you

think i'm drunk so you're playing jokes

on me

yeah this ain't no joke little man

huh i can't believe it oh you can

believe it

benicia boy heyman hey

uh joe it looks like a little man who

did all that loud bragging insured

himself now don't it

yeah hey it couldn't be that you and uh

and the duke are a little afraid of the

benicia boy

could it a fried

oh that's a rick what a fright the duke

of london afraid of benicio boy

you know what we've been chasing him all

across the country

and now he gets delivered to us on a

silver tray

oh wait on the duke is this for the news

he'll be please fit to bust


how about a beer the left again

i shouldn't see all one two now

all right now come in a little

sure nates is around pretty don't he


whatever you do don't charm the big

wallop we gotta

make them bet on bonita boy remember

that's it all right now jab

all right another jab

all right okay

you didn't get a telegram from adam yet

did you nope

it's been a week could be the wires are

down again

oh no no i checked that

what happens if the benicio boy don't

show up please

will you fight him yourself well the

time was when you would

yeah well this isn't the time i just

have to give him that thousand dollar


a thousand dollars that's what i had to

guarantee him for the fight

get those knuckles in there bobo

kind of hold this just fancy like too

get those knuckles in there

and i could really slice a man of pieces

there's one two he might slice some in

pieces but he'd have to hit a whole lot

harder than that cut me up

yeah maybe so but not after a few rounds

and sure give her pretty to try him in

here now when they can come in with a

short punch

hey look who came to watch the duke

jd honey are you all right

i'm uh i'm fine uh

excuse me i'm i'm in a hurry

jd how you doing

marge excuse me boy

much what's wrong what's right all you

want to do is reach out for something


everybody says no you stay in your place

oh my goodness doesn't matter what

people think

nothing mattered until j.d

looks like that's over two doesn't it

she sure looked pretty didn't she

come on don't tell me you're still sweet

on her after what happened

it wasn't her fault well i think it's

enough for one day

i've got something better to do yeah

and i know what it is and it's fair

asking for trouble

women it'll be the death of both of us

oh come on let's get a beer huh

that seller's just plain ordinary mean

for two cents

come on





















no more tears huh what do you want

always no need to be coy with me

i saw you watching a workout you get out

of here

oh come my dear you might fool the

majority of these clods around here

but you don't fool me i know you

and your kind and i know what's

bothering you

guns like all the men in this


country the first thing they turn to his


there's no need to lie to me i know you

and your kind only too well

you're trying to be better than you

really are but you can't

deep down inside your heart you know you


and you know you never will



what are you laughing at oh come on

don't tell me that you've never been

laughed at by a woman before hold your



you won't be laughing when i get through

with you


gotta go bobo

oh it's you yes and it'll always be me

it happened again didn't it another one

laughed at you i told you it would

happen again

yes through i've taken all i'm gonna

take from you

you despicable little gutter snipe

jd marge

well what happened it's duke he's

beating that poor little man he's gonna

kill him where are they

they're in my room he broke into my room

come on jill

i'll be right back j.d don't leave me

don't ever leave me i need you so much

you need me i need you

why am i blimey yeah

you want to make it lonely oh take it

easy now

ah i want to sit real easy now in the

bed i'll be all right

see it's just the duke's way of doing


my brother don't always see matters my

way yeah

yeah you wouldn't have guessed it would


me and the duke brothers brothers

yes you see his real name's clarence


mine's arri simpson when he was a

little tyke i called him bobo the baby

was then they put us in one of them


but i got us out of there

oh you've no idea how i worked and slave


put that boy through school see i

i wanted to make a gentleman out of him


here maybe you just take it easy you

might be hurt serious and don't even

know it

now what he said but it's much more on

what he done

he can do without me he says just don't

seem possible that a

man could treat his own brother like

that he's always been the same

i taught him you know it was going to

the dogs he was i made him a boxer

you see that that's how i earned the

money to pay for his schooling

then when i got too old to fight i i

taught him the trade

and now he he says he could do without


if you're better off without him miami i

taught him good too

i wanted him to be the champ and he

might be if he if he'd only leave the

skirts alone

but he hurt marge well he would have yes

he would have

he's done it before oh i

might as well face up to it he's just no


so now i'm through with him you

understand i'm through with him

he thinks he don't need me he'll find


just let him find out

joe i don't care what paul says this is

too much

yeah first jd then marge and others

joel i'm with you

let's go

well well well the card right clan have

you got the benicio boy with you

no we brought a message

then deliver it and be on your way all


you wanted to fight when i buster you

got it

i'll take you home from money and

marvel's you just name it


ben i don't like this one a little bit

well neither do i

but haas challenged him so the only

thing we can do now is to see that

everything is conducted properly

you think horse can handle them in a

match like this

well i hope it doesn't get hurt badly

yeah you better study these london prize

ring rules

yeah are you feeling us i feel great

brother good just lean back take it easy


no i said i was through with him and i

mean it i ain't going near his corner so

help me

but i gotta warn you you're gonna get

hurt mortal bad boy

i've been hurt before

don't you worry horse can take care of


give me some of that four to one money

on house card right here 100

on hearts against 400

you know you've been very kind to me my

lad take a dip from me you're gonna try

and cover that bet because you're gonna


yeah well don't you worry my brother

knows just what he's doing

your brother yes

hurry up come on darren all right

yeah yeah okay let's go you put some of

my money on that bed

50 bucks i'm only half stupid




ladies and gentlemen as you all know

this match is being held against my will

however since it

has been joined it will be conducted


and properly according to the london

prize ring rules round shall continue

until one or both of contestants are


when a man is down his seconds may

conduct him to his corner

for the rest period

would you like uh a second assigned to

your corner sir

at the end of 30 seconds the referee

will call time

and the contestants must rise and come

to the mark

either man failing to toe the mark

at the end of eight seconds after the

referee calls

time shall be deemed defeated

the judgment of the referee will be


and absolute now ladies and gentlemen

you all know the referee

your sheriff roy coffee


now you man i've heard the rules

timekeepers ready

the contestants will tow that mark


time all right get it right




get him back joe get him back to the



he's hitting me that funny little left

i'm gonna get him first with it this




straight away



i stay away from it


just come up

i think you had enough if i was right

you can't stay in there with a


uh he's gonna get a bunch of me john i'm

gonna get some of him

i don't know if that's what he wanted



can you see one

two three

five six


sure did knock him down

i said is that you harry it's me bubbo

it's me all right he's a fair ball

like it in the brick wall well he's too

strong for you

you've got to move around stay away from


oh i don't know anymore oh

just sticking out there keep the old

flag flying

i missed you you did

i'm no good without you

go get him

one to the line three

and give them the best you thought five

six fifty

a new chair hush honey for you

good going on i know you can do it i

flipped them

you beat that champ what are you driving

at sir

he was he was all alone




we are here to settle our account sir

harry will you please pay the gentleman


here you are governor 1 000

american dollars wow

thank you gentlemen uh paul if you're

gonna sean the uh

you know oh yes well i almost forgot

i received a uh telegram from my son in

san francisco

says uh benicia boy will not

fight you in virginia city

but he would be happy to meet you in san


yeah that bobo we got the big one gold


cartwright oh mr cartwright i i was just


my oh

pardon me that's all right jd go ahead

what were you going to say

oh well i was just going to say that


loves the house it's wonderful mr


i will not ask you to shake hands but uh

i would like you both to know how really

sorry i am

oh that's uh that's all right

come on bobo san francisco and the

benicio boy and you'll

murder him well i don't know about that

but we'll have a good bash at it won't


it we will and all ta-dah

you know when your little ones come


i hope they're a little smarter than uh

than those two

you know as i was just thinking there's

a there's a fighter in saint louis sort

of an up-and-coming heavyweights going

out on the road

i was just wondering if we worked on

that left hook of yours a little bit





Looking for More Bonanza Episodes?

The legendary Western series “Bonanza” is a terrific show to watch alone or with family. Each hour-long episode ran under NBC’s production from September 1959 to January 1973. There are 14 seasons and 430 episodes, with The Duke as the 57th or the twenty-fifth for its second season.

You can find more about any of the 430 Bonanza episodes here>>

1 Comment

  1. Brandon M. Stickney

    Dear Western Writer:

    Would you consider taking a look at 1876: Year of the Gun, the Year Bat, Wyatt, Custer, Jesse, and The Two Bills (Buffalo and Wild), and How They Created the Wild West, and Why It’s Still with Us by Steve Wiegand? It’s new from Bancroft Press of Los Angeles. There is a 38-page photo insert.

    The book talks of the characters and legends of the West in context with all of America’s events during that landmark year. I read it and loved it!

    Brandon M. Stickney
    Executive Assistant to Bruce L. Bortz, Publisher, & Director of Communications for Bancroft Press

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